Grace / Jesus and bad religion
When People Use God to Get Their Way
A position of authority doesn't give someone permission to mistreat you. Colossians gives people with power some instructions of their own.
It gets hard to argue when somebody tells you God is on their side.
Maybe they have a verse. Maybe they have a title. Maybe they've been in charge so long that nobody can imagine questioning them. Whatever the reason, the conversation ends up in the same place: if you were a better Christian, you'd do what they want.
And if you object to the way they're treating you, that becomes more evidence of your spiritual problem.
Colossians won't support that arrangement. Paul gives people with power real obligations toward the people under their care. He addresses those people as responsible before Christ. Their position doesn't excuse their conduct.
Nobody's told to make somebody else submit
tells wives to submit to their husbands in a way that's fitting in the Lord. People have done some ugly things with that sentence.
There's no command here that says, "Husbands, make your wives submit."
Paul addresses a wife as a person who can make moral decisions before God. Then he turns to her husband and tells him what he needs to do: love his wife and don't be harsh with her.
In the sermon, I translated it, "Husbands, love your wives and don't be a jerk to them."
That's the instruction the husband gets. He doesn't get to spend all his time enforcing the sentence addressed to his wife while ignoring the one addressed to him.
This whole passage comes after Paul has told Christians to put away anger, malice, abusive speech, and lying, and to put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. A person's authority doesn't erase any of that.
If someone wants to use the household instructions as permission to intimidate people, they have to ignore an awful lot of the letter to do it.
Parents aren't supposed to wear their children down
Paul tells children to obey their parents. Then he tells fathers not to provoke their children, so that they won't become discouraged ().
He cares about what the parent's conduct does to the child.
Some children learn that whatever they do, somebody will find a reason it wasn't good enough. They live with a parent who makes them feel like he's just waiting to call them out for screwing up.
Paul tells fathers to stop doing that. Parents have responsibilities for the way they use their authority. A child getting discouraged isn't automatically evidence that the child needs a firmer hand. It may be evidence that the parent needs to change.
If you grew up with that constant disapproval, it can be hard to imagine God being any different. But God is the one telling fathers to quit discouraging their children. He sees what that treatment does, and He doesn't approve of it.
That gives you a reason to question the idea that God is always waiting for His own children to disappoint Him.
The person in charge answers to someone too
Paul's words to masters are just as direct. Treat those under you with justice and fairness, remembering that you have a Master in heaven ().
In the sermon, I explained it this way: treat them like they're just as good and just as important as you.
That changes what it means to be in charge. A person under your authority isn't your property to use however you like. They matter to the Lord you both answer to. We all work for the same guy. It's like the owner of a plant calling in his managers and saying, "Here's how I treat you. When you go out to the folks under you, treat them the same way. They're my employees, not yours."
Paul also says the wrongdoer will be repaid for wrongdoing, and there's no partiality (). Nobody gets an exemption because they're important. The Lord sees what the person with less power is doing, and He sees what the person with more power is doing.
Church leaders need to hear that. So do husbands, parents, employers, and anybody else who can make another person's life easier or harder. When we invoke God's authority, we ought to remember that He has authority over us.
Forgiveness doesn't make cruelty acceptable
Earlier in the chapter, Paul tells Christians to forgive each other as the Lord forgave them. He also tells them to put away the conduct that makes life miserable for other people.
Those instructions belong together.
If somebody keeps hurting people and uses the forgiveness verse to stop anyone talking about it, they've made the passage serve their own convenience. The people being hurt have all the duties, and the person doing the harm gets all the benefits.
That's a lousy way to read a letter that tells the whole church to be compassionate, truthful, humble, and patient.
Forgiveness doesn't make a lie true or a cruel thing kind. And it doesn't give a leader the right to demand everybody's trust while he keeps doing the thing that broke it.
Paul says to let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts, and his word for rule there means to act as umpire (). That peace is meant to govern our life together. People ought to be able to tell the truth in that peace. If maintaining the appearance of peace requires everyone to keep their mouths shut about mistreatment, there's something there that needs to be dealt with.
How to tell help from control
Someone who cares about your growth can correct you, disagree with you, or tell you something difficult. Kindness can include all of that. The question is whether they're actually helping you follow Jesus and whether they're willing to be accountable to Him themselves.
Can they explain their request without threatening your place with God? Can they hear a question? Can they admit when they've been wrong? Do they apply the commands about honesty and gentleness to themselves?
A person who teaches the Bible should be willing to have their conduct considered in light of the Bible. "Because I said so" is a poor substitute for explaining what Christ has asked of us.
You don't have to accept somebody's account of God's will just because they're forceful about it. You're free to read the passage in context, to ask someone outside their control to help you think it through, and to say that what happened to you was wrong.
Colossians puts every one of us under the lordship of Jesus. The way He treats us is supposed to flow right down through us to the people around us, and that includes the people who speak in His name.
— tobe